To Verne Troyer
Dear Verne,
Yo Verne! What’s up? We just wanted to drop you a line, because we’ve been big fans of yours over here ever since forever. (Okay, actually, Austin Powers 2, but that’s as long as any of us can remember anyway.) Cause you’re a funny guy, Verne. Yeah, we were slightly concerned that you were selling the entire population of little people for cheap gags. But, hey, it also meant little people could finally come out of the shadows! So hooray for that!
But speaking of shadows, Verne… we’ve seen your sex tape. Dear God. We wish we hadn’t. You know how everyone we know has always made jokes about “midget porn?” Well, maybe you didn’t get this, but they were just jokes. We don’t actually like to watch porn with little people. We really don’t. Yeah, maybe that’s horribly height-ist of us, but believe us, Verne, this wasn’t the way to challenge our prejudices.
We appreciate that you’re breaking ground for little people everywhere. We do. We just wonder whether you could have done it in a more palatable manner. Weren’t there some hot little lady people out there who could have made the first viral video of little people sex instead? Or even just a slightly attractive little lady person? Heck, anyone but you??
Rumor has it that this leak was deliberate. You know, box office returns were sluggish on The Love Guru, so you decided to give it the publicity buzz it deserved. And if that’s the case, Verne, thank you so much for saving us from a Mike Myers sex tape. No, seriously, we’ll buy tickets just to salute you for that!
By Leonard H.
June 28th, 2008 | 01:39 am | Rants
7 Responses to “To Verne Troyer”
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June 28th, 2008 at 1:51 am
it’s true though what you say about midget porn. what about GIANT porn though? why doesn’t anyone ever joke about that?
June 28th, 2008 at 2:00 am
I’m going to get a t-shirt with a freeze frame of this tape made… and wear it to Vegas this weekend!!!
June 28th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Deliberately leaked?! That’s horrible!!
June 28th, 2008 at 2:19 am
i want a full frontal. i’ve always wondered…
June 28th, 2008 at 2:35 am
I’d watch some GIANT porn. That’d be weird… but fun.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 am
I like middling porn…
July 8th, 2008 at 2:46 am
I’m weirdly attracted to Verne. I dunno… I just have the feeling he’d put his all into it.