To Those Desperately Seeking Love Online
Dear So-and-So,
Finding love online? We’re all about it. We have Internet profiles on every dating website out there. It’s kind of like a medieval matchmaker - except without the wisdom, integrity, or common human decency. And we relish every superficial minute of “winking” at prospective partners from our cozy office cubicles.
That said, there’s looking for love, and then there’s desperately looking for love. One is okay, and one isn’t. Existing far past the NOT OK line resides idiots like Deven Trabosh and Ian Usher.
In case you missed their particular stunts, let us fill you in. Deven Trabosh couldn’t sell her South Florida home, so she added herself into the deal for an extra $500k. That’s right, for a cool $840,000, you get the princess and the castle. Never mind that she looks like even more of a horse than Sarah Jessica Parker, we have questions! What if we just want to buy the house? Or on the flipside, if we marry her, couldn’t we just take over the mortgage payments rather than pay her for the house? Not to mention the pre-nup we’d have to negotiate. If we’re going to fork over 500 grand for a lady, we don’t want her to take the money and run! There have to be conditions, but the right conditions: we wouldn’t want to buy her house, then have her get it in a messy divorce settlement!
On the other side of the spectrum, we have Ian Usher. He’s also selling his house - but he doesn’t come with it. Instead, everything in his life does. That includes his skydiving gear, jet ski, car, and motorcycle. But also introductions to his friends and position at his old job. Why auction his whole life? Well, he had a messy divorce and wanted out of it. See, what the Internet giveth, the Internet can taketh away.
Unfortunately, Ian’s life sold for less than he’d hoped. (Ouch, that’s got to hurt.) It’s a shame, but if he could scrape himself together a few more hundred thousand, we have just the house for him to buy. And there’s even a wife that comes with it!
By Leonard H.
July 04th, 2008 | 02:34 am | Rants
6 Responses to “To Those Desperately Seeking Love Online”
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July 8th, 2008 at 2:41 am
This is ROUGH! I admire these folks for trying to make Lemonade out of their Lemony lives.
July 8th, 2008 at 2:44 am
she doesn’t look that bad… if I had the money, I’d probably do her.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Mail order brides suddenly go 2.0!
July 8th, 2008 at 8:15 am
hey, Ernie - what’s up?
July 10th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Are they really looking for love? In my opinion they are seeking someone to fulfill their “damaged selves”. Whats that all about? The theory goes that we all are attracted to people who have experienced the same negative traits brought upon us by our childhood caregivers. Eg Domineering Father, inattentive mother, abandonment, abuse etc…The difference is we are attracted to those that have handled these traits differently then we our selves have and our damaged selves recognizes this and seeks to repair itself by joining up with these other “damaged” people. So if you are attracted to someone it is because your inner self sees you in them and wants to learn and grow by becoming close to them….or so it goes.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:05 am
HAHAHA! Right on.