To the Woman at Trader Joes Who Took Too Much


One word for you, lady: gluttony. Yeah, you heard me. You’re a fat pig, and I hope you combust from all the egg white salad you’ve consumed.
 

Let me back up here. I needed to go grocery shopping, so I went to my local Trader Joes (an apparently trendy hotspot now), and fought assholes in the parking lot for a coveted spot. Ruffled, I walked to the entrance and picked up a small basket. I only need a small one because I don’t ever take more food than I need.
 

I walked over to the dairy section. Great. No vanilla yogurt. We’ve got black cherry, peach, raspberry, strawberry, strawberry-banana, and many more - but no vanilla. I’m already in a pissy mood and my shopping has just begun. I walk over to the salad section where I get my glorious egg white salad. It’s so damn tasty and low in calories. I find that there are only two containers left, and consider myself lucky as sometimes there are none. I figure it just must be that popular. I also pick up a few pre-packaged salads I like to take to work for lunch. Boo. They don’t have my favorite Reduced Fat Southwest Salad. This sucks.
 

I finally reach the check-out line with my modest basket full of food for the week. I chose my opinion of the shortest line and take my place behind you and your semi-full cart.
 

I peer into your cart…
 

Holy Jesus! You had (and I counted) TEN egg white salad containers and EIGHT Reduced Fat Southwest Salads. WTF?!?! Seriously. You crazy bitch. You’re not even thin. I wanted to scream at you, “Just because it’s low-fat, doesn’t mean you can eat three portions at a time!” I was livid. I could tell the cashier was disgusted as well. Had you not generously left two containers for me, I would have gone off on you. In fact, I would have made you give me a couple. I would have pulled your hair until you relinquished them to me. But, I kept my cool. You’re damn lucky too.



January 26th, 2008 | 03:13 am | Rants


2 Responses to “To the Woman at Trader Joes Who Took Too Much”

  1. Joe Says:
    February 1st, 2008 at 1:58 am

    I don’t know about any “egg white salad” because I hate eggs. However, I will concur that Trader Joe’s is a mother effin madhouse. It’s insane to go in there for some juice. Whenever I go, I have to wear workout gear to keep up with the obstacle course that is Trader Joe’s.

  2. Amy Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 3:08 am

    dude:
    make your own salad and calm yourself down.

    it’s over priced anyway.

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