To the Superdelegates
Dear Superdelegates,
Phew! Can you feel it? The primary season is almost over. You’re almost out of the headlines. We know, we know, you get blamed unfairly for everything. The superdelegates are Clinton’s only hope. The superdelegates will overturn the will of the people. The superdelegates cause cancer. The superdelegates ate your baby. We’ve heard it all. We don’t blame you for wanting to move on with your lives.
However, before you slink away and the glaring media spotlight finds its next darling, we’d like to have a little chat about your image. Let’s face it, it needs some tweaking.
First of all, how attached are you to the name “superdelegate”? You don’t actually have any superhuman powers, do you? No flying, no x-ray vision, nothing like that, right? See, that might be part of the problem. We love superheroes - but only if they save us. If, say, there were a giant alien spaceship aiming laser rays at our planet, we’d be pretty pissed off if Superman decided just to chillax with a piña colada and watch it go down. So if you don’t actually have superpowers, you might not want to toy with our expectations. Accept your humanity and come back down to our level.
For a while, Hillary Clinton was calling you “automatic delegates.” We like that - except that “automatic” makes people think of machines, and nobody really likes machines, because we’re all secretly worried that they’re going to take over the world. And we really don’t like the idea of machines messing with our voting process, even thought they probably already do. So maybe you shouldn’t be automatic delegates either.
We’ll have a think on it, and we’ll get back to you. In the meantime, you might want to do something about that hair.
By Leonard H.
May 08th, 2008 | 09:14 am | Rants
2 Responses to “To the Superdelegates”
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May 10th, 2008 at 5:28 am
haha, they’re turning! sorry, hillary, but you’re gonna lose.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Hillary all the way! It ain’t over til it’s over. Plus… had anyone forgotten what a poor loser she is? She’s going to take it to the bitter end.