To the Pretentious English Major
Dear Pretentious English Major,
Fight Club just came on HBO last night. I had forgotten how good that flick was. Oh, you preferred the book, huh? You don’t say. Never woulda guessed that one, Pretentious English Major.
Say, that’s a nice messenger bag you got there. I see it’s from City Lights Books. You obviously really enjoy reading. Whoops, looks like some books just fell out when you turned it upside down. What luck! Ooo, Ask the Dust by John Fante. That’s a good one. Did you happen to check out the mov–no, of course not, the book was much better. And what’s this? A issue of the New Yorker? That’s good reading. Nice, there’s a brilliant profile of Feodor Sologub in this issue? I’m actually not familiar with that name–oh, it’s the pen name of Feodor Kuzmich Teternikov, a member of the modernist Russian literary movement at the turn of the century? That’s really impressive, English Major, that you read articles on obscure Russian novelists.
Hey, the Economist! Didn’t even notice it in your hand. Nice choice of reading material, pal. And it’s the same issue I saw you carrying around last week, and the week before. I notice you carry your magazines with the front cover facing outward. That sure is a weird way to carry magazines. Usually I carry mine with the cover facing inward. Just feels more natural that way. But I guess this way I know what types of magazines you like to read. That makes sense.
Oh, my weekend was pretty fun. I went out to the Coop on Friday–ten dollar pitchers–and worked Saturday. Had some great Indian on Saturday night, though. What’d you do?
You spent all Friday night weeping over a single Proust passage? Wow. I have never met anyone that could connect with literature on such a deep level. You are truly amazing, Pretentious English Major.
February 22nd, 2008 | 09:12 am | Rants
10 Responses to “To the Pretentious English Major”
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February 22nd, 2008 at 9:53 am
You clearly know nothing about Proust if you haven’t cried reading this genius thoughts even once.
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:55 am
Did someone say ten dollar pitchers!?
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am
WOOOO. Thank you. I’m about ready to drop my English classes because of jerks like this guy.
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
If you’re going to affront me in public, RantFarm, at least call me by my real name!!
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
I was English major, and yet the only thing I can think to say in response to this post is “LOL!” Is there something wrong with me?
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:00 am
seriously, angie - let’s all focus here. someone DID say $10 Pitchers!!! best pizza in LA
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
also, stop talking about my boyfriend like that, RantFarm.
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
Joe already made that joke, Heather. Catch up.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:41 am
well the Fight Club book was better than the movie, but the movie was still great.
June 17th, 2008 at 5:03 am
I was an English major but luckily fell in with radio kids before the pretentiousness could overwhelm. The thing is, I had these guys in all my classes and I HATED them, mostly because they do their damndest to make you feel like an idiot when you don’t know the 83rd in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales. Seriously? At least I have fun memories that include $10 pitchers.