To the Exhibitionist at the Genesis Concert
Dear Exhibitionist Lady,
I recently attended the Genesis reunion tour, “Turn it On Again.” It was a great concert. The night was as crisp as Phil Collins’ 80-year-old voice, and the Hollywood Bowl was completely full of crazy fans. Of course, none of those fans were anywhere near as crazy as you.
This was already an entertaining experience for me, seeing as I was about half the age of the average audience member, who was not accompanied by a parent. Oh no, I bought those tickets on my own. In fact, my mother pleaded me to take her, but I declined knowing that the event would inevitably invoke the most embarrassing side of my mother. I just didn’t want to deal with my 55 year old mother screaming and trying to groove to the jams. I think that’s fair.
During one favorite song, I believe it was “Way of the World,” the cameramen panned across the audience and projected it onto the large screens for the entire Hollywood Bowl to see. We witnessed all kinds of middle-aged men and women singing/lipsynching/rocking out to this hit. Some people stood stoically, nodding and absorbing the experience. There were other people, such as yourself, who went all out. The cameramen inevitably found you, your blonde hair, your tiny tank top, and your huge fake boobs.
Why weren’t you wearing a bra? Even I know better than that.
I understand you might have arisen from the ultra-feminist era where women burned their bras… but please, go buy a bra. You were jumping around like nobody’s business, and yet those cameramen could not steer the camera away from you. The stifled giggle rippled through the stadium as we watched you bop all over the place.
And then, you did the unthinkable.
You looked up, realized you were on a huge screen, and then decided to take advantage of your ten seconds of quasi-fame. A smug look overcame your face as you reached down and pull the edge of your skimpy top down, to reveal your gigantic silicon breast.
The Hollywood Bowl has a seating capacity of 17,416 people. The show was clearly sold out, so that means about 17,416 people saw your naked boob. A man, whom we assume to be your husband/significant other, jumped in front of you while splaying his jacket open to cover your nakedness. All 17,416 people erupted in laughter. Poor Phil! He must have thought we were laughing at him and his old balls.
To you Lady, who are you? Do you know where you were? How much did you have to drink? You were at a Genesis concert at the respectable (or formerly so) Hollywood Bowl, not a sad David Cassidy concert at a recreation center. Cover up.
To you, my beloved Phil. We were not laughing at you, even though I can totally see how this maniacal bitch’s actions could lead you to believe we were. Yes, you’re slightly elderly, but you still put on a good show. Kudos.
January 26th, 2008 | 02:49 am | Rants
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