To Superman
Dear Superman,
Man, I’m so glad that someone has finally pointed out the obvious: you suck and you always will. No weaknesses? No challenges? Come on, every legit protagonist needs one. That’s Plot Writing 101. Heck, that’s my high school creative writing class, for crying out loud!
But not you, no sirree! You think you can fly around at super speeds and fix every problem under the sun and we’ll care enough to follow the storyline. Boring! What’s that? You do have one weakness? Oh right, that stupid space rock that no one can really ever get his hands on - except for Lex Luthor, because he’s also just as magic, or whatever.
Maybe you could even fake a little more vulnerability? Maybe pretend to get hurt just a little more often, maybe stumble here and there, just so that we have some inkling that you could be defeated? Not to be drastic, but maybe you could even be defeated some time?? Just a thought.
How about a few more moral dilemmas huh? Either Lois Lane dies or the entire state of Texas? How would you handle that Superman? And, no, “neither” isn’t an option.
Look, Super, it’s not that I don’t appreciate what you do - saving the world and all - but if you keep it up, we’ll just get lazy. We’ll start jumping off skyscrapers not because we want to kill ourselves - but because we can’t afford bungee-jumping. That’s the world you’ll create for us. But, hey man, if that’s the world you want to create, could you do something about global warming while you’re at it?
By Leonard H.
April 19th, 2008 | 06:02 am | Rants
5 Responses to “To Superman”
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April 19th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Batman could kick Superman’s ass any time. With sufficient prep time, of course.
April 19th, 2008 at 6:09 am
maybe if supes was drugged with a kryptonite kocktail
April 19th, 2008 at 6:12 am
besides. he was defeated once, by Doomsday. remember that entire “Death of Superman” story arc?
April 19th, 2008 at 6:41 am
true, and Doomsday used pure brute force. but he was an interstellar badass from krypton (much like superman himself).
May 8th, 2008 at 3:01 am
[...] Okay, okay, I’ve decided to stop procrastinating and finally use all the search people sites I’ve found to try to find my birth parents. There’s a ton of people finder sites out there, but none of them have quite worked out - yet. You see, my parents have pretty common names. I won’t give out their names for privacy reasons, but they’re about as common as John and Jane Smith, so whenever I search, I’m like, is it John Smith in Iowa or New York - or what? If I knew roughly where they lived or what their birth dates were, this would be a cinch. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, enjoy this rant To Superman. [...]