To People Who Ride In Golf Carts When They’re Not Playing Golf


Dear people who ride in golf carts when they’re not playing golf,
 

Yeah, you think you’re cool, but you’re not. Or more likely, you don’t particularly care what the kids think is cool these days. Or you just wish those kids would get off your damn lawn so you could drive around it in your golf cart.
 

Here’s the thing: as bipedal hominids, we have these things called legs. We walk around on them. It’s worked for millennia of human evolution, so we think it will work fine for you too. But if that doesn’t work for you, we’ve recently invented this other thing. It’s called a wheelchair. So people who don’t have legs or whose legs don’t work can roll around on wheels. Yeah, we guess it’s like roller-skating, if that’s the only other point of reference you have. But the point is, it’s for people who can’t use their legs - not people who are too lazy.
 

Then, for longer distances, like a couple of miles or so, we have this other-other thing called a car. Yeah, it’s kind of like a golf cart, except for one huge difference: you don’t look like a complete tool when your drive around in it. (Well, unless your car is a Hummer, but that’s a different story altogether.)
 

See, when you play golf, you’re allowed to look like a tool. Heck, you’re encouraged - even required - to look like a tool. That’s why you’re supposed to wear polo shirts, V-neck vests and argyle socks in weird bright, checkered colors. (No, they don’t look good on you, and whoever told you they did was a liar.)
 

And you’re supposed to look like a tool, because that’s the whole point of golf. You’re at the country club where annual dues and more than a college education, driving around on greens that have the highest property values in the city, and drinking bloody marys even though it’s barely noon, you wiley old fox, you. You have money to burn, and you like it. So no two-bit hipsters with fashion sense are going to tell you how to dress or what to drive, thank you very much.
 

But when you’re out in public - and running for the President of the United States - tool with money to burn may not be the image you want to project. Just saying.
 

By Leonard H.



July 26th, 2008 | 02:13 am | Rants


5 Responses to “To People Who Ride In Golf Carts When They’re Not Playing Golf”

  1. Ben Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 7:37 am

    Dude, I love driving my golf cart to the grocery store. It’s awesome - and better for the environment.

  2. Wanda Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Ben, you’re still a tool.

  3. enil Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 8:18 am

    I think we can all agree that if you want to be a tool, ride around in a golf cart. You can do it in places where being a tool is acceptable (like Country Clubs) or not (like in your rich neighborhood). Either way… you’re still a tool.

  4. Wehver Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 8:19 am

    … ya’ll just jealous!!!!!

  5. Smiles Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 8:20 am

    What if I take my caddy everywhere I go? Is it ok then for me to drive a golf cart, O mighty RantFarm??

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