To Jean Claude Van Damme’s Epic Dance in “Kickboxer”


Dear Jean Claude,
 

Beau Williams’ soulful wail starts the song and draws you and the Thai prostitute to the dance floor. The rapturous look on your face and the slow sensual swivel of your loins tells me you’re obviously feeling what Beau is bringing. And that we’re in for a real treat.
 

You don’t disappoint, Jean Claude. The sax comes in, the handclaps and fingersnaps start flowing. Offbeat handclaps and awkward fingersnaps - integral components of any white dancer’s arsenal. Wait, was that…? Yep! An overbite! You just performed the white man’s overbite, a sure sign that you’re really feeling the groove.
 

Hell no, you don’t need to move your feet! Just grind those hips, ball those fists and let the music flow through you! And Van Damme does it flow out of you, so much so that those tough Thai guys are getting mad. Musta got groove juice in their Singhas. While you’re doing your patented split move, they’re plotting to rough you up. You know what would be badass? If you could somehow integrate your upcoming fight scene with your dance scene.
 

Okay, go ahead and do the splits some more. It’s very impressive. Just be aware that these guys don’t like you dancing in their bar. C’mon, Jean claude! Did you really have to wiggle your ass in that guys face? Now you’re just asking for it.
 

You call that a well choreographed fight scene? Jean Claude Van Damme, you should just stick to dancing and doing the splits. In fact, I’m gonna go watch “Breakin’” for your ten second spandex cameo.
 



March 09th, 2008 | 05:27 am | Raves


6 Responses to “To Jean Claude Van Damme’s Epic Dance in “Kickboxer””

  1. Steve Says:
    March 9th, 2008 at 5:30 am

    Wow. Just wow. A Breakin’ reference. I never thought I’d see the day.

  2. Angela Says:
    March 9th, 2008 at 5:30 am

    Haha lolz! I love this video!

  3. Alex83 Says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 3:17 am

    Welcome to the good life with Jean Claude. lol.

  4. Jones Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 1:36 am

    Wow, I hope that choreographer is still working in Hollywood.

  5. Bonnie Says:
    March 14th, 2008 at 6:20 am

    I had sex with Jean Claude in a hotel bathroom once.

  6. snap Says:
    March 14th, 2008 at 7:04 am

    That has to be the sexiest white man alive.

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