To Everyone Regarding the Most Annoying Roommate Ever
***This Rant Was Submitted by Go-Bots. You should be awesome like Go-Bots, and SUBMIT a Rant or a Rave too!***
Dear Everyone,
I have lived with druggies, weird people, and just plain inconsiderate people. None them compare to the roommate I have now. He is literally the most annoying person I have ever met in my life. Living with him is like water torture. If you were to take any one of these habits alone, they are endurable, but together they form a Voltron of annoyance.
I have conveniently divided them into subheadings for ease of reading:
Food/Kitchen
1. He is so cheap that he only has one bowl. It is a Superman bowl. He is a grown adult. And what does he do with this bowl? When he’s done using it he puts it right over the drain so that nothing else can drain out. Not NEXT to it, but right OVER it. Why, God, does he do this?
2. So that he doesn’t have to buy a cup nor wash it, he drinks straight from the bottle or container. Furthermore, he drinks and drinks and drinks until
he’s out of breath and then gasps and pants for air. He does this EVERY time. No, he is not clinically retarded.
3. He goes through 4 pounds of peanut butter a week. He has gotten peanut butter on my laptop and other places. When I leave I’m going to cover all of his sh*t in peanut butter.
4. When he eats he holds his spoon like a toddler, gripping it with his fist, and his thumb faced toward the round part. He also scrapes his teeth against the metal. Sometimes I want to grab the spoon and smack him with it.
5. He buys a lot of little containers of yogurt. Does he stack them in the fridge? No. He uses as much surface area as possible.
Musical Tastes/TV
6. He listens to video game music like normal people listen to Led Zeppelin or Celine Dion or whatever 99.9 percent of the population listen to. He plays it loud, proud, and on repeat. I often cry inside. This site exemplifies the torture I face daily.
7. The only “normal” thing he listens to is Coldplay. I don’t know about you, but I hate them. He sits on the porch and sings the whole album sometimes in an off-key, strained voice. For a brief moment sometimes I think I’ve died and am in hell.
8. He is a cartoon connoisseur. Spiderman, Xmen, you name it. Well, actually, I can name all the characters now. Did you know there are 3 versions of the Batman cartoon? I kid you not.
9. He won’t buy kitchen utensils but he will buy “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD.
Physical Body/Habits
10. He smells. The problem is that it’s not awful, but rather just past the point of no longer being good. If you don’t know what I mean, it’s like when you sniff your armpit and it’s just about to stink, and you can’t stop sniffing it because you’re not sure if it’s bad enough yet to do something about it. That’s the way he smells.
11. He’s got these little curly body hairs that get on everything like cat fur. I cannot explain the feeling I get when I find one in my mouth.
12. He will randomly stop and fling his arms out in order to crack his bones. He can crack his elbows, wrists, and fingers in one movement. It’s disgustingly impressive.
13. He belches every 10-15 minutes very loudly. I literally know he is coming home sometimes because I can hear him down the block. Our other roommate hates this more than anything else I have listed here.
14. He makes random sexual sounds. I won’t delve further into this one.
15. He just looks like a doofus. Yes, I used the word doofus. Because it’s perfect.
16. He will scratch his crotch without any subtlety while in a conversation with you.
Cell Phone
17. He has a different f*cking sound for every goddamn function on his phone. BEEP BOOP BOOP. Luckily he has chosen the most annoying ones such as spaceship sounds, and funny people noises. Oh, and he has the volume up on the highest setting.
18. He wakes up around 5-6 am every morning using his phone as an alarm.
Guess what sound he uses? That’s right a f*cking rooster. Don’t get me wrong, I lived on a farm for a year, but this doesn’t quite capture the magic of rural living.
19. He loves speakerphone. And I love hearing his inane conversations.
Personality/Conversational Style
20. He prefaces every question with: “Question…” or “Can I ask you a question?” Just ask the stupid question.
21. He calls his mom, “Mummy.” He is not British.
22. I often hear him talking to himself. He likes to cheer himself on. Creepy…
Bathroom
23. He doesn’t wash his hands after he uses the bathroom. I have called him on it, but he lies and says he does.
24. In the early morning he takes a ritual dump. He doesn’t flush right away because he thinks it makes the water in the shower too hot so he waits until after his shower to flush. Sometimes he forgets, and guess who wakes up after him to be greeted by it?
Potpourri
25. He likes to hide in place like Gollum and jump out and scare me. He then runs off and celebrates how he scared me. One day I am going to punch him when he does that. He has scared our ultra-conservative Jesus freak neighbor once on accident thinking it was me.
26. He is a philosophy major. Therefore it is impossible to have a normal conversation with him. “Wow, there’s a hot girl!” … “Define hot, is that subjective or objective?”
27. He has not washed his sheets nor towel in… never? He also likes to re-wear his clothes so he does not have to spend money often on laundromats. Think of the smell mentioned in #10 slowly concentrating over time.
28. He hums. The problem is that he doesn’t hum anything in particular… just random notes. That is what drives me nuts.
29. He says he has an older brother that is exactly like him. You mean there’s another one out there?!?!
March 22nd, 2008 | 07:02 am | Rants
77 Responses to “To Everyone Regarding the Most Annoying Roommate Ever”
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March 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 am
Damn…that was thorough. I do not envy your position, but I’m glad that your cause has a voice.
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 am
That’s nothing. My roommate insists on spending too much time with me. She is always asking where I am going, and somehow ends up coming with me. She has even come out on dates with my me and my boyfriend. He wants me to move in with him just so he doesn’t have to be around her.
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:35 am
I can just imagine Go-Bots seething in his room, writing this Rant, while the theme song to “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” plays loudly from the other room.
Thanks for making your pain our entertainment!
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:37 am
I wish I had a Superman bowl!!
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:08 am
this was dumb. no human being burps every 10-15 minutes, no human being lives without ever washing their linens. some of these things were reasonable complaints (cleanliness, flushing toilet) but others are just you being over sensitive and exageratting. idk.
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
whatever, alex. my boyfriend’s last roommate was a lot like this. these kind of people exist.
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
“21. He calls his mom, “Mummy.” He is not British.”
Erm, i’m English, and have never seriously called my mum ‘mummy’.
Other then that, unlucky.
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
eliza, shut up and make me a sandwich?
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Um… ok? Pastrami?
March 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 am
F*ckin awesome
March 24th, 2008 at 6:08 am
He sounds awesome!
You however, sound like a twat.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Hey im not that bad, thats ludicrus, i do wash my hands, and what about all those things you do?
March 25th, 2008 at 3:54 am
My roomate has never done laundry. It stacks up against the wall in his room and I believe it has caked into one massive onject. He never washes his hands. Always uses the same stained and unwashed towel. Never cleans up after himself Even when making food. He can’t even move the cooking utensils two feet to the sink. There is a huge scorch mark on the wall from when he leaves his heater on. He always leaves it on no matter how many times I tell him and point to the scorch mark. For a month straight he was using a griddle to cook pancakes and bacon in his room. The ceiling is now stained and his door has black stuff all over it. When we moved in we agreed that I would pay the cable/internet bill if he slowly devoloped the living room. he got a cardboard box, placed some sh*t in it and put a sheet over it and called it a table. He also found a couch with no cushions and a broken TV stand. He stuffed his dirty blankets on the couch to make “cushions”. He used to steal my food, but I bitched him out for that. He also only pays half the rent at the beginning of the month and half in the middle. I let him do that because he works minimum wage and is a student but he never reports to me with the money, I have to chase him down. Thats about 75% of the problems. I don’t feel like listing any more.
Thank god I’m moving out in two days.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Oohhh, my best friend is the same about never washing her linens.
And I mean NEVER.
the only times her CLOTHES (yes, including underwear) get washed, is when she’s over at my house, and her mother sneaks in and washes her clothes.
its disgusting.
she smells like arm pits and vagina all the time.
nasty sh*t.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:58 am
and to think all my roommate did was have sex with my boyfriend…… gah
March 25th, 2008 at 6:58 am
My roommate likes to cross dress and call me “girl”. He’s also filthy beyond filthy. I think he has a crush on me. I’m moving the hell out.
March 25th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I have had a similar experience i typed it out one day when i was really pissed i called it the douche bag report see below
Broken vacuum – could tell by smell when I got home and broken belt – easily fixed
Put away with no mention to anyone
Did not fix
Had to borrow someone else’s to clean own car afterwards and then left out the extension cord
Used tools
Without asking
Did not return to where they were found
Used stereo while painting room
Did not ask for permission
Did not return
Got paint on it
One speaker doesn’t work now (not sure exactly why, just doesn’t work)
Cheese fries cooked on Broiler pan without bottom pan,
Cheese drips in oven, No attempt to clean, Left cheese fries on stove burner, Cheese drips on stove and Dishes
all was Left for 3 weeks untill i cleaned it up.
Dog Makes mess, fine its a dog i love them. he makes no attempt to clean any time the dog is here to include:
mud/dirt
Vomit
Diarrhea
Holes in back yard
Has not mowed lawn
Ate ALL my oreos and has used many of my disposable products without asking or attempt to replace (shampoo, soap, toothpaste)
Many more unknown atrocities I am sure have occurred, this is just a few
Has lived here for three to four months and has made no attempt to clean a single thing other than his own belongings in his room and his car
Total disregard for anyone else’s belongings or well being
has no redeeming quality whatsoever.
Is a freaking retard!!
March 25th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Omfg, I know what your saying. I have two friends who match this description and it’s ridiculously annoying.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Regarding post number 16; I’m a guy, by the way.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I’m glad I’ve never been in your position, though I have no doubt I will be in a similar one (though hopefully not as bad) in the near future.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
absolutely amazing, reminds me a lot of my current roommate, and strangely enough this kid sounds exactly like one of the regulars at the bar i work at.
too bad all the annoying roommates in the world don’t just get together in one commune and procreate, at least that way we could keep all the annoying people alive behind a fence.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I had a roommate that left craps in the toilet as well! And this is a GIRL im talking about! Plus our toilet door bathroom door wouldnt shut properly unless you locked it, so it stunk out the entire living quarters!!! And even better, my bed was just opposite the bathroom!!! Grr! Roommates suck!
March 25th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
My step-brother (who lives with me my dad and my step-mum) is rather similar. we share a room and he never washes his sheets and rarely showers and never opens the curtains when he wakes up in the morning, so the whole room stinks like him within the first 2 hours of his waking. He also goes out of his way to inconvienance me.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
You know, there is a LOT more that could be wrong — most of these are just stupid little habits people have. And the hygiene thing can easily be addressed, just tell him to his face that he has to wash, and use clean towels. If his dirty towels/bedsheets/etc. annoy you that much, why don’t you wash them.
And the first thing you mentioned: “He only has one bowl…but right OVER [the plug hole].” Just move the bloody bowl. Least he doesn’t have ten bowls, and leaves them all in the sink. Seriously, you need to get a life, and not rant like that about people — no doubt he could do the same for you.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
If I found a stinkin floater in my bathroom, the dumbass would have a something evil to come home to. Intollerable. His stuff would be on the curb. Dare him to try to get back in. Locks changed and new key delivered to landlord. I wouldn’t care what the lease said. I’d pay the freakin rent and sleep knowing who left what where.
Take my ass to court you nasty slob. See what that gets you.
Public humiliation alwyas makes me smile. Homeslice needs to grow the hell up or go home to Mummy.
OH YES!! HE IS RETARTED!!!!! Sounds like Asburgers Syndrome to tell you the truth.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
am terrified :/
this guy needs help lol how the f*ck can you live with him?
(btw we call out moms mum not mummy thats for 5yr olds)
March 26th, 2008 at 3:19 am
honestly, you sound like a total whiner, quick nitpicking little sh*t. dude sounds alright to me.
if you stopped letting little stuff get on your nerves you’d be a much happier person. you sound bitter.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:33 am
I thought this was hilarious…sorry though I know it’s not easy living with other people but at least you can take out your frustration in an extremely humerous way. I will laugh all day thinking about this. sorry
March 26th, 2008 at 6:37 am
well, I must say, I have had worse room mates than that. At least you know which bowl is his, so when he doesn’t do his dish, you know who to complain to. Honestly, of the horrible room mates I have had, this guy seems pretty freaking awesome. Does he pay his rent?(I’ve had room mates who didn’t) does he pay his bills?(i’ve had room mates who didn’t) Does he randomly decide that you have too much of your stuff in the house and pack it up and put it outside your bedroom door?(i’ve had that room too) Has he every beat your pets(assuming you have any) with a belt?(i had that room mate, briefly). Has he ever stolen your money?(yep, that one too) All in all, I would say he isn’t so bad, if after my honestly horrible experiences with roommates, i had not sworn them off, I would love to live with this guy. Does he at least play the video games to which the music goes to? That would be an even better match for me! (and yes I am a girl)
March 26th, 2008 at 8:06 am
wow, thats pretty bad for sure. i know how you feel man. my room mate does not clean…at all. she gets her hair in EVERYTHING and she does not use dish soap when doing dishes…she lets the dish rag go all squishy and smelly and still uses it until i throw it in the wash. she has never done any laundry, she eats all my left overs and haves a huge ass fit when i take a slice or two of her cheese. she does not care that her cats’ litter is everywhere. when she has coffee and i have gourmet coffee, she’ll use up mine then go back to using hers. everything is about her. shes the most selfish cunt in the whole world. i was sick as a dog the other day and said i was going to bed with a headache, so she keeps her music nice and loud. shes a b*tch. she leaves her dishes and used kleenexes all over the place.
i could go on forever….i understand your pain…
March 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am
I’m really glad I live alone now so I don’t have to go on the Internet and see that someone’s ranting about me like this!
March 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My roommate has no regard for the other two people in the house. She leaves her clothes and schoolbooks, dirty dishes and garbage all over the living room. When she cooks she doesn’t rinse anything. Hardly anything gets put in the dishwasher so it all just stacks up in the sink until one of us (the other two in the house) cleans everything up four days later. When stuff IS put in the dishwasher, it is caked with whatever it was used to cook. Wooden knives are put in…. Food gets dropped all over the floor but not picked up…. We have two kittens, and even though she claims to love them and says one of them is “hers”, she has NEVER fed them, given them water, cleaned them up, or cleaned out the litter box. We’ve asked her to help out with cleaning around the house, and in the six months we’ve lived together, she has cleaned ONE of two bathrooms, once. Has never vacuumed, mopped once, complains when we buy groceries she doesn’t like, but she never goes to the store….
As soon as the lease is up, the two of us are leaving her behind in our dust.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Luckily my roommate is pretty awesome. He does pretty much all the cleaning, doesn’t make annoying sounds or talk too much, and he doesn’t stink up the place. He just has this little thing where sometimes he shoots at me with his sidearm. I just ignore it. It could be worse.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I’m laughing so hard that I can’t see past the tears to type anymore. The comments are just as good!
March 27th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Words describing roomate:
Asshole.
^ that about sums it up
March 27th, 2008 at 9:43 am
this is lol
i hope i dont get a horrible roommate
March 28th, 2008 at 3:06 am
…if you live in eastern Washington I sincerely apologize… ’cause that sounds a lot like this one guy we had living with us for a while ’till we kicked him out. Does your roommate scare away chicks? Like a reverse Casanova? If so… I’m really sorry =(
March 29th, 2008 at 5:37 am
I live with a total b*tch who just doesn’t know how to be a roommate. She gets on our cases about paying rent–we make it every month– even though she doesn’t have to worry about it because mommy pays for her chunk, she will take up an entire 3-4 person couch on her own and if a GUEST sits down there she’ll get angry at them, If she thinks we’re taking too much of “her” living room, she’ll move our neatly piled school books, etc. into a hectic mess just so that she can have her precious coffee table. to aid in this issue, my other roommate and i bought a bookcase to put our stuff in and she about had a heart attack because we were actually taking up more than the room that we share while she has her own room, and apparently the living room as well. I hate roommates, I’m glad I’m living with my boyfriend next year. At least he doesn’t b*tch at me when I sit next to him.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:51 am
Am i seriously the only one that thinks your just a whiny b*tch? Your roommate is not THAT bad, grow some balls and tell him not to put his superman bowl over the drain if its that big of a f*cking deal for you.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Jesus Christ you people like to whine. why don’t you grow a fucking spine and boot these retard /embicile/losers. You really need to get a fucking life. I think I have lost I Q points for reading this pathetic shit.
March 30th, 2008 at 12:36 am
ugh your roommate is the combination of all the annoying habits of every person I know. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who can’t stand bad eating habits (see #4). Hang in there
March 30th, 2008 at 11:24 am
YOu shouldn’t have a roommate-
noone’s perfect btw
March 30th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
You think that’s bad - DON’T GET MARRIED…. now I’m stuck with him!
March 30th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
My roommate has been watching every single episode of “Murder, She Wrote” for the last three or so weeks. Every episode. Streaming. On Netflix.
And she acts like she has no idea what’s going on or why on EARTH her episode is slow/stops (she watches like six a day, at least) if we’re downloading anything, which sucks up some bandwidth… so we can only use bandwidth when she’s sleeping…
But come on, dude… Murder, She Wrote? Dude. I’m so f*cking sick of Angela Lansbury’s voice and that GODDAMN THEME SONG…
March 30th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
That’s not that bad. You can live with it. After all you agreed to be his room mate.
March 30th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
The answer is plain and simple my friend.
You have to kill him…and kill him now.
March 31st, 2008 at 12:57 am
does he eat in the shower? cause my roommate thinks that it takes up less time in the mourning, he sometimes leaves the bowls in the shower also. so i put the bowl outside his door and he steps on it as he walks out of his bedroom. he also leaves his cloths everywhere, but i got him to bag up some cloths to take to his parents house but that never happened so i took the bags to good will (he has way to many clothes!) i have more but i’ll just leave it at that. i agree with a lot of your statements though. go with ron…kill him now!
March 31st, 2008 at 5:01 am
my boyfriend’s has two roommates like this. one of them has an unopened container of shampoo from the beginning of the year and the other has a girlfriend who has to make him shower and brush his teeth. you can not walk on their side of the room without choking on the smell. and what’s worse is they both have 3 different types of cologne they try to use to cover up their smell.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:36 am
Honestly you people who complain that some of these items on the list are easily addressed need to shut up for several reasons.
1) You think the problems haven’t been addressed?
2) It’s a fricken rant site… expect rants.
3) This was designed for comedy, not for you to take as a serious religious text.
Stop being douche bags.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:49 am
Man I have to deal with the same sh*t. I can’t wait to move out of the dorms and into the apartments this fall. One more quarter with this doofus.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:56 am
de ja f*kkin’ vu
March 31st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
wow you are a b*tch
and a loser
March 31st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Literally.
April 1st, 2008 at 12:14 am
My housemate broke our toilet as soon as she moved in by doing a monster number 2. The old plumbing system couldn’t handle it. I suspect she may have some sort of bowel disorder, as she nearly broke our other toilet in the same way. My other housemate then left a delightful ring around the bath of ‘intimate’ bodily hairs. Who was left to clear it up when we all moved out at the end of the year? That’s right, me… Still, i’m not complaining, it just makes me appreciate how cushy i’ve got it now in my halls of residence where they clean/fix things for us..
April 1st, 2008 at 2:23 am
Hey, I’m British and no one above the age of 5 calls their Mum Mummy unless they are so rich the can sound like a tw*t and it doesn’t matter.
April 1st, 2008 at 4:11 am
Move out before you kill him , or kick the sh*t out of him so you don’t kill him. And compliments of describing your roommate so well I enjoyed it.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:24 am
i understand how you feel with the whole hygene situation .. my one suitemate probably showers once o say a friggen semester .. and she hasnt washed her clothes or sheets where mulitiple people have slept and i mean sexually .. in about two semesters .. its awesome let me tell you .. the smell is so wonderful
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:00 am
I had a roommate that prefaced every question with a request for permission to ask a question. Really annoying.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Its noce to know there are so many dishonest flat mates in the world all ready to whine and b*tch to complete strangers on the net, christ lady you take so much interest in this guy your obviously in love, if I was living with you i would hope its a 20 story building then i could jump off
April 6th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
I find it funny that some people are saying that he is just being whiny and nit-picky, yet those who have lived with horrible roommates are sympathetic. Jeez, I wonder why that is. (Btw, post 40, its from, not for… however i doubt you had much IQ to begin with.) Sorry dude about mr. superman bowl, though I must say I would kill to have one of those.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:08 am
i have a flamethrower you can borrow.
and a copy of sweeney todd.
just for a few suggestions.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Jesus freakin’ Christ… I had no idea people like this even existed. People like this with degrees in philosophy! Goes to show how much you need intelligence to make it through university…
When you leave, cover his sh*t with peanutbutter AND jelly. Especially his “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” -DVDs, which you could also fill with the stuff.
Thanks for the laughs!
April 18th, 2008 at 3:54 am
HEY! What’s wrong with video game music? I don’t like it when people link to my site as an insult…
Not that this guy doesn’t sound annoying otherwise…
April 21st, 2008 at 10:03 am
How long did you know him before he became your roommate. It reminds me of the song “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”
April 21st, 2008 at 1:03 pm
this reminds me of me
April 21st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Get a room already!
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 am
Yeah…I saw the movie…Animal House
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 am
I got a kusin who can fix de problem for a grand.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:59 am
Sir, I’m telling my mummy that you hate me so much
April 28th, 2008 at 5:31 am
I know it’s pathetic to complain–if people really cared, things would be done to fix it.
But it’s not that simple. It’s not easy to just say “shut the hell up you have no consideration for other people, you have no mental capacity to realize how loud you always are, and your lovehandles are growing.”
I would LOVE to say things like that on a whim when I feel like it. But it’s simply not that easy. It would probably make my living situation worse, considering there’s no way that either one of us can move out until a certain date. I’m a light sleeper. I can’t help it. Just how I am. She types loud enough to hear in the hallway–which is through two closed doors and about 10 feet away. Not only that, but we sleep in the same room. I have classes every morning at 8. This lazy bitch-ass doesn’t have class until 11am, so she doesn’t go to bed until anywhere between 2 and 4 in the morning–which is usually about 2 hours after I’ve already tried to go to bed. Not only does her horrendous typing keep me awake, but so does her constant need to slam things down on her desk and rattle her keys and keep her phone and computer’s sound on so I can hear how many instant messages and text messages she receives. NOT ONLY THAT, but I get to hear her phone conversations, for which she maximizes her vocal capacity for the entire building to hear. She [sort of] has a social life, so SOMETIMES I can get relief, but let me tell you, I understand how much it sucks to live with someone who is incompatible. I don’t mind discussing differences, but despite my passive nature, even when I did gather enough composure to discuss her loud typing keeping me up for three nights in a row, she turns it around on me and says how she usually HAS to sleep with the t.v. on so she can fall asleep, and how she’s considerate by not doing it because she knows I can’t sleep. She continues to explain that she’s already discussed this t.v./sleeping business with all of her family and friends and that they all agree with her that she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants. I must have missed the time when we were best friends in middle school when her parents turned Nazi, but usually the best thing to do is talk to the person first, in this case, me, before going to all of her family and friends about how annoying it is that she can’t sleep with the t.v. on because I’m a light sleeper. The t.v. in our room is facing her bed, which is facing the opposite direction of me, and I’ve noticed that it has the capability of using head phones, so when I suggested that, she said “I shouldn’t have to.” When I suggested her taking her lap top into the living room to type at 2am, she said “I shouldn’t have to do that.” Well, then shit, I guess I shouldn’t have to sleep. Everything that comes out of this girl’s mouth is a negative comment about everyone else. I understand that judgment is in human nature, that “to breathe is to judge,” but damn, keep your insecurities and low self esteem to yourself. “How can she fit into those pants!?” “I would never dye my hair like that” “Has she looked into the mirror this morning before going outside?” are just a couple of examples. I don’t even bother responding. Her parents are so cool, I really don’t know how she ended up to be such a horrible person to live with. I admit, I agreed to living with her after being friends for over 5 years, but I really should have taken into consideration the 3 year not-friends gap that existed between when we were friends and before we went to college. I think there was a pretty good reason why we stopped being friends and I truly am a dumbass for putting myself into this shitty situation. The girl can’t live a day without checking facebook or leaving her phone behind and God FORBID if her AIM ever stops working. At least you can sleep. I’d so much rather the problem be hygiene or dishes, at least then I can just throw her stuff away with good reason. Which brings up about 100 more things I’d love to complain about, but I think you have the idea. She’s confrontational, aggressive, negative, irrational, rude, selfish, and she lacks any common courtesy or manners THAT YOU LEARN IN KINDERGARTEN. No wonder she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I’m usually such a relaxed and carefree person, it’s just that living around this girl and constantly being surrounded by her negativity, I can’t help but to be so annoyed with her even being there. I understand she has a right to be there just like I do, but I make a conscious effort to make sure I don’t wake her up. Luckily I’m not too spiteful, or else I’d give her a taste of her own heinousness.
Hey, maybe she’s pregnant! That would explain her excessive weight gain….
May 8th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I’ve had some pretty bad roommates. I think the worst was a porn-addicted hippie who’d sit on the couch staring at increasingly nasty porn for three days until he started looking like a crack-addict and finally crashed. He said he was “hydrophobic” and allergic to soap and laundry detergent which is why he never showered or washed his clothes. When he moved out, my couch stunk SO BAD. I drenched it in Frebreeze, didn’t work. It still stunk even after I steam cleaned it!
But the worst roommate I ever saw fortunately wasn’t mine. Oh man this guy was NASTY! He was hella fat and always smelled like ass and mouldy armpit and had filthy crusty dishes stacked in his room and he peed in 2 liter bottles and never threw the pee away so he just had a huge collection of pee. And his toenails! His toenails were so long and black and yellow and pointy, they curled under and clicked on the floor like dog’s nails. And sometimes he’d get into a hissy fit and start yelling and screaming and then he’d break down crying. Now THAT’S a nightmare roommate!!!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I have a similar roommate! She does pretty much the same thing but then leaves notes around the house saying that she would appreciate it if I cleaned up her stuff… Yeah right. I touch no one’s stuff but my own. She also LOVES to leave every light in the house on 24/7! Then complains about the high electric bill. Gee I wonder why it is so high? I feel for you… really I do.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Oh god, I have similar roommates. They are so nasty that we have so many fruitflies in our house. The dishes are EVERYWHERE, and they insist on leaving their tins and whatnot in the sink. And they’re vegetarian, and there’s avocado peels (rotten ones) and some kinda flax seed all over the carpet, and squirrels come in to eat it cuz they leave the window open and the doors unlocked. And they are so cheap they never buy the toilet paper, AND when i tell them to clean up, they just make excuses about how they don’t have time, and then they complain about how they don’t know how the problem about cleanliness should be solved. HOW THE F*CK do these ppl even get into university…goddamn art students…much like your philosophy student, one’s a poli sci (very similar) and the other is trying to get into commerce from arts cuz shes too dumb to get into it in the first place. and the poli sci guy bangs on the wall even more than ido, and i know he’s not getting any. f*ck…why am i stuck living with such stupid turds.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:04 am
Wow that story was great. Sounds like the weirdest dude on earth. I have a roomate that comes home from work and will ask me how I am doing 5 times within 15 min, sit down next to me and just start ripping on everything he sees and he always trys to finish everyones sentence with something ridiculous and unnecessary…example, I said “hey dude I want to show you this picture.” “Whats it a picture of?” he says. “Its a picture of….” he interrupts “a nun taking it in the ass?? hahahaha” Toilet humor can be funny at times but when a person does it consistantly all day long it gets super old and when I confront him about it he gets all pissy and starts giving me shit for being a “Nancy”. He also thinks he is the greatest kid on earth, like always saying he could beat the s*it out of that guy or that thing, whatever it may be. He works at a grocery store and because of this for whatever reason, makes him think that he is the best Chef ever which means whatever I may be making for myself to eat when he is around sparks him to tell me what I should be adding or how to cook it or why I shouldnt be using this, and let me tell you, he sucks at cooking. His food tastes like s*it and he doesnt know what the hell he is talking about. He has no training what so ever, nor do I but im not going around telling people that they should have purchased gorganzolla cheese to go with what there making because it will really make the flavor pop. The biggest problem of all, ive known this dude for almost 10 years, he has never been as big of a jackass as he is now. We moved to a bigger city to go to school and just basically to do something better and it completely changed this guys view on himself and the world and it really sucks. Ive tried to bring women over to hang out before and even my own girlfriend he talks to them all like they dont know what the sky is and acts like they are complete retards if they didnt know that the Dodgers used a Yellow baseball once in 1938. WHO THE F*UCK CARES is what goes through my head probably 90% of the time he talks.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
What a relief to read this rant. I am up in the middle of the night thinking about how annoying my roommate is. Its not mean, but just quite annoying. To get it out of my system I’m going to just take a moment to add to the list:
1. Eats Food/Drinks our Drinks…Opens unopened packages of food before even open them. Drank 7/8ths of all my booze by the time I went to drink them. No leftovers are safe, ever. All this even after telling it that we can’t afford for it to do it.
2. Uses my computer…Its computer broke, uses my computer all the time for email, whatever…without asking. Now I have to password protect my computer if I can even hope to monitor the computer.
3. Complains about bills…when it uses all the electricity by leaving ALL appliances and lights on.
4. Leaves doors unlocked, windows open.
5. Never buys towels/sponges/foil etc, but uses most of it till it is all gone
6. Leaves TV on CRAZY LOUD at 10pm -1am
7. Walks like an elephant
So much more…so much more…3 more months.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Wait…#29…I think I had his bro as a roommate…definitely a resemblance!
January 27th, 2009 at 4:45 am
Believe it or not, the “Question…” thing (along with the bathroom habits) are what would drive me the most nuts. I just came home to an apartment that smells like shit because, since my roommate is the RA, she does not believe in candles (even though this would greatly improve her potty problems).
I am so glad that I searched and found your blog. Along with England, I think I’ll share some facts about MY wonderful roommate:
1. She seems to love destroying and losing kitchen utensils. This year I’ve lost two mugs, two wooden cooking spoons, a cutting board, and various tupperware. She’s also burned and scratched the hell out of my pots and pans.
2. She has left snot on the sink. Yes, you read that right. She also leaves make-up stains, shit stains in the toilet, and oddly, weird marks in the bathtub.
3. She INSISTS on greeting me with a “HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO”, or shouting “GOODBYE! GOODBYE!”… every single time I walk through the door. This can get pretty funny if I’m just going to the trash chute. But not funny in a good way.
4. She bellydances, and I swear if I hear the sound her her bells (on the dress) or that song from Moulin Rouge one more time, I will kill her. In fact, if she comes home at one am with one of her belly dancing friends and COOKS again, I will kill her.
5. She seems to think that I don’t have a life, and thus I should come to all of her shows. Not only do I not give a damn, but I actually do have shit to do.
There’s so much more, but I think I’ll leave you with that. I hope that you can leave that jerk behind in the dust.