To Ben Stein’s Expelled
Dear Ben Stein’s Expelled,
Aw, you think you’re the next Bowling for Columbine, isn’t that adorable? No, seriously, the conservative movement really hasn’t had a bully pulpit since it lay claim to the White House, Supreme Court and Fox News. Way to speak up for the little guy! Down with Big Science! Boo! We’ve always thought there needed to be a Republican Michael Moore, and who better to fill that niche than a droll, awkward speech writer?
Bueller? Bueller? We love it. We’re so glad you’re reigniting Ben Stein’s film career. We were so worried he would be relegated to die a slow, painful death on Comedy Central shows that no one watches - but not while you’re on the job! Awesome.
But here’s the thing. We’re cool with free speech. (Believe us, we loves us some free speech.) So if you want to do a big budget documentary about how a fairy man in the sky (God) created everything in Heaven and Earth including you - Yes! You! Aren’t you special? - that’s fine. We’re totally cool with that. We think Intelligent Design is deluded and self-righteous (and so are you), but that’s a discussion for another day. Our problem, though, is with your tag lines. First of all, “Big Science.” Big? Really? We’re not convinced it’s really that big. Haven’t they removed “evolution” from textbooks in Kansas? You might want to check on that.
We have a bigger problem with this line: “Every generation has a rebel.” We’ll dispense with whether or not Ben Stein is actually a rebel. We think it’s better to agree to disagree on that point. But, um, wasn’t Ben Stein born in 1944? Which would mean he came of age in the 60s. Huh, hate to break it you, but in terms of a rebel, there might be more than one from his generation. You might want to check on that.
Or is your next documentary against Big History?
By Leonard H.
March 29th, 2008 | 06:42 am | Rants
11 Responses to “To Ben Stein’s Expelled”
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March 29th, 2008 at 6:45 am
I always thought Ben was cool… and now this. Shattered.
March 29th, 2008 at 6:48 am
I used to want to win Ben Stein’s money. Now I just want to slap him with it.
March 29th, 2008 at 6:57 am
This is sad. WTF?? I’m gonna skip the first 20 minutes of “Ferris Bueler” from now on. Thanks a lot, Ben.
March 29th, 2008 at 7:00 am
hell yeahz Ben! first liberal media bias, now liberal science bias? expose it, mr. stein…
March 29th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Wow. This is bad news. I always liked Ben… but now not so much.
March 30th, 2008 at 12:19 am
poor ben. some people will do anything to revive a dying career.
April 1st, 2008 at 4:32 am
Ben Stein RULES! You liberal douche bags don’t know what you’re talking about.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:35 am
Ben stien and the guy above me need a reality check.
Intelligent design is completely irrational and has no place in a modern society.
Nobody asks “How can you be a Christain?”.
Yet many have asked me, “How can you be atheist?”.
For the record, I choose not to believe in your god for the same reason you don’t believe in the roman gods.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:33 am
my money’s on Shiva. i’m willing to risk eternal damnation that Shiva’s the real deal.
April 4th, 2008 at 5:15 am
I’m a Flying Spagetti Monster man, myself. I’m perfectly OK with ID in schools…so long as they teach FSM too.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
i’ve heard good things about FSM. though shiva’s my gal, i have kids on the way and i’d rather not limit their scope. anyone know a decent non-denominational private school that covers all bases - flying spaghetti monsters, hindu creation gods, as well as frost giants, valkyries, compassionate conservatives, satyrs?