To Audrina Partridge
Dear Ms. Partridge,
I just wanted to offer my sympathy. It must be hard playing an inconsequential role on a pathetic reality show (that I am clearly addicted to).
I just feel bad that you are thrown into a sea of mediocre blondes, making your limp brown strands fade into the background of the facade that is The Hills. I mean, it doesn’t help that you really aren’t that attractive, or that you look completely confused in every shot. You’d think after three seasons, you would learn how to live your life with a camera up your ass at all times. I just wonder why everything that comes out of your mouth sounds scripted, and you dart your eyes to some mystery corner desperately seeking approval after delivering every other sentence? It’s a reality show isn’t it…?
Look, I’m not judging you… Ok, I am judging you, but only a little. Honestly, I feel like this isn’t an attack, so much as constructive criticism. I think you need, some um, help. Your hair, clothes, general demeanor, etc. just need a little work. Have you noticed that they have been featuring you less and less? That’s because you are the most boring character, who also happens to be physically wasting away. I just want to feed you cake and lard until you regain a healthy body weight for your height. You date retarded boys who won’t commit, and then you fake cry about it while Lauren pretends to console you, but really she’s just wondering when Brody is coming back from drunk driving to the 7-11 for more beer.
Justin Bobby? Really? C’mon Audrina.
It’s not that I want to see you off the show. That’s not it. If you were to leave “The Hills” I would have no way of gauging how good I looked in comparison to your hot mess of a face. I just want to see you eat a hamburger, or crack a joke. You know, normal people activities. So I guess until then, consider Botox because you have no mouth, and maybe think about attending some classes at Santa Monica City College. I’ll be praying for that you decide to remove that horrible mistake of a tattoo on the back of your neck.
By Heather S.
April 24th, 2008 | 08:36 am | Rants
19 Responses to “To Audrina Partridge”
Leave a Reply
April 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Justin Bobby! HA!
April 26th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Whatever.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I hate her face. Lametown.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:48 am
she is pretty damn ugly. i was watching the hills (no, not handcuffed. by choice in my hotel.) and simply didn’t understand her purpose.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:49 am
What is this Hills? Like mountain?
April 29th, 2008 at 6:53 am
if she showed up at smcc she’d get her ass KICKED!
April 29th, 2008 at 7:24 am
for reals. smcc don’t play around. HOLLA
May 15th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
haha… do you guys honesty have nothing better to do with your lifes the to sit on your ass and blog about girl from a reality show…i think im positive no one cares to hear any of your opinions on audrina partridge. GET A JOB .
May 15th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Oh Erin… don’t hate just because you’ve modeled your own style after Audrina. You probably don’t look nearly as bad.
June 7th, 2008 at 9:43 am
omfg erin everything youve just written about the people writing on this you’ve just done. you have nothing better to do than act like your better than everyone else, if people want to comment its their lives and opinions. I think audrina is dull and needs to get some opinions.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:27 am
The fact that I just wasted 2 mins of my life reading your article about how dull you find audrina, seriously horrifies me. What horrifies me more is the fact I am responding to YOUR meaningless opinion. Why do people feel the need to bring down famous people (who are obviously more beautiful that yourself)? Are you really that insecure that you must tear down others? GET A THERAPIST! And maybe a good plastic surgeon.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:43 am
Sarah, EC, you both need to calm down. This is a rant site. It’s satire. Grow a sense of humor… or maybe call a good plastic surgeon? Ha ha.
November 9th, 2008 at 9:22 am
i came onto this site by mistake, i dont know wot ur on about, bet all of u wish u looked half as good as her and for the chick that thinks audrina is too skinny, mayb u shud get ur fat ass to the gym overweight is disgusting, audrina looks gud
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