http://www.rantfarm.net Rants & Raves Served Up Fresh Daily! Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:21:15 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Dear Happy 9/11 Cards,  Where oh where would I be without you?  I've always relied on the likes of Hallmark and American Greetings to convey my innermost thoughts. Like that card with a cartoon frog that says, "Hope you have a Hoppy Birthday!" That captures the essence of my sentiments ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-happy-911-cards Dear Emo Songs,  You feel our pain! You do. You know exactly what it's like being awkward and alone and misunderstood. And unloved by everyone, and knowing deep in our heart of hearts that we'll never ever find true love - especially since Kristin in science lab checked ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-emo-songs Dear MySpace,  You killed Friendster. Look, don't try to deny it, and don't think we've forgotten either. We know. And we're still sad about it. You come along with your unlimited photo uploads and html customization, and you think you're all that. But where has that ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-myspace Dear people who ride in golf carts when they're not playing golf,  Yeah, you think you're cool, but you're not. Or more likely, you don't particularly care what the kids think is cool these days. Or you just wish those kids would get off your damn lawn so you ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-people-who-ride-in-golf-carts-when-theyre-not-playing-golf Dear Christopher Nolan,  This is the single biggest movie event in comic book history so why in blue blazes did you cast the pretty boy from the gay cowboy movie as the Joker?  Heath Ledger will never beat Jack Nicholson's Joker. Jack's Joker was an icon! The Joker from Tim Burton's Batman ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-christopher-nolan Dear Youth Pastors,  Um, please stay away from me. And while you're at it, please stay away from my siblings, and any children I may ever have, and pretty much every young person everywhere.  Believe me, you were creepy enough when I was a youth. The sing-alongs, the earnestness, even ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-youth-pastors Dear Barack,  We're getting a little worried here. Up until recently, we were totally convinced your subtle shift towards the middle was just an act. A ploy, a ruse if you will, designed to capture some of the hearts and minds of the heartland. We were thinking you simply didn't want ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-the-recently-center-leaning-barack-obama Dear New Yorker,  Did you have to? I mean, really. We know you think you're edgy and all that, but we kind of preferred you to be old and stodgy with pretentious movie reviews and unreadable short stories. We're not so keen about this American psyche, political zeitgeist ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-the-new-yorker Dear Idiots,  Hey, dude ahead of me in a old-school Camry, you need to speed up. And dude ahead of him, and dude ahead of him, could you all step on the gas please?  Yes, I notice the guy on the side of the road changing his tire. Believe me, ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-the-idiots-who-stare-at-traffic-obstructions We don't get it.  Seeing as how we live and work in the US, we're stumped as to why we keep coming across British business contacts in our email threads. For the most part, they've assimilated into American society quite well - elevators are elevators, and apartments are still apartments. Fag ... http://www.rantfarm.net/to-people-who-end-their-emails-with-cheers-who-arent-british